Friday, May 20, 2016
First let me say I'm more sorry than I can say to have been so long away without reaching out to you. I had lost my way and I had lost my blog-voice while I was finding the route back to myself.
So much has changed over the last while: loss and love and learning. Foremost in my mind and heart is that my Mom, and very best friend, died in March unexpectedly from blood clots. (I still reach for the phone to call her and am learning how to try to find the comfort of her love in everything as I deal with her passing. I've been in Ontario since March taking care of things... I normally live in BC.) The grief has been harder than I could have fathomed, as you might imagine. Though the changes in rising to the challenge of taking care of everything, as her oldest child, have also brought new connections with old friends and countless beautiful awakenings. I've been surrounded with more support and love than I'd ever dreamed possible so as much as I'm trying to manage grief I'm also flooded with gratitude.
My Mom was my first blog buddy on here & she was always reminding me to foster the connections I was lucky enough to have found on here with you all... but I didn't know how to return to these pages. I had lost my files & felt I had nothing of value to share. I felt voiceless because of personal issues, and didn't want to get your hopes up with another false start of my revisiting blogging.
To be honest I have been using all of my creative energy for sometime now to recapture my health. I was battling depression, agoraphobia, weight, and social anxiety. Now I've since made friends with that side of myself in a very joyous way, but it can be a full-time job to do so naturally with healthy eating and exercise (as I know so many of you know intimately.) I was dealing with chronic pain & found I couldn't muster the strength to craft and photograph or create new digital work. But... over the last year I've slowly lost over 90 lbs and turned my life around from chronic illness to feeling oh so alive again. I've opened my heart to new friends and grown in many many ways. I finally feel ready to be creative, though I'm not sure what form that may take.
I just wanted to reach out and open my heart to you. I have been holding you in my thoughts even though I've been so quiet. I hope your days are filled with joy & creativity whatever form that takes for you and I hope to be able to reach out here every so often with a little something.
Posted by mel m. m. mccarthy at 12:03 PM