Dear Friends,
First let me say I'm more sorry than I can say to have been so long away without reaching out to you. I had lost my way and I had lost my blog-voice while I was finding the route back to myself.
So much has changed over the last while: loss and love and learning. Foremost in my mind and heart is that my Mom, and very best friend, died in March unexpectedly from blood clots. (I still reach for the phone to call her and am learning how to try to find the comfort of her love in everything as I deal with her passing. I've been in Ontario since March taking care of things... I normally live in BC.) The grief has been harder than I could have fathomed, as you might imagine. Though the changes in rising to the challenge of taking care of everything, as her oldest child, have also brought new connections with old friends and countless beautiful awakenings. I've been surrounded with more support and love than I'd ever dreamed possible so as much as I'm trying to manage grief I'm also flooded with gratitude.
My Mom was my first blog buddy on here & she was always reminding me to foster the connections I was lucky enough to have found on here with you all... but I didn't know how to return to these pages. I had lost my files & felt I had nothing of value to share. I felt voiceless because of personal issues, and didn't want to get your hopes up with another false start of my revisiting blogging.
To be honest I have been using all of my creative energy for sometime now to recapture my health. I was battling depression, agoraphobia, weight, and social anxiety. Now I've since made friends with that side of myself in a very joyous way, but it can be a full-time job to do so naturally with healthy eating and exercise (as I know so many of you know intimately.) I was dealing with chronic pain & found I couldn't muster the strength to craft and photograph or create new digital work. But... over the last year I've slowly lost over 90 lbs and turned my life around from chronic illness to feeling oh so alive again. I've opened my heart to new friends and grown in many many ways. I finally feel ready to be creative, though I'm not sure what form that may take.
I just wanted to reach out and open my heart to you. I have been holding you in my thoughts even though I've been so quiet. I hope your days are filled with joy & creativity whatever form that takes for you and I hope to be able to reach out here every so often with a little something.
Love,
79 comments:
So sorry to learn of your great loss. I am happy that you are struggling through. From personal experience it seems like two steps forward, one back, one forward, two back. Hang in there as it does get easier!
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Child my heart just breaks for you having gone thru this myself and yes it's hard, so very hard. But I am proud of you for taking time for you. That is most important right now. God speed in getting well. And remember you don't have to do this. It is an option.
Mel,
Loss of a mother, to me at this time of my life, is one of the hardest losses. My own Mother has been gone for over 10 years and at times I still shed tears. It will get easier as the years pass, so just live your life and enjoy it. That is what your Mom would want you to do......and thank the LORD for the time He gave you with her.
As far as health issues, I completely relate. I have been ill and in pain for over a year and a half and along the way have been given some pretty bad POSSIBILITIES from the doctor. I do have more than one issue, so they are never sure which is to blame for whatever is happening. I guess when you get to be 69 these things happen. All I can do is continue to trust God and take things 1 step at a time.
I pray that you will continue to find yourself and be happy and healthy enough to enjoy what path you are on. God bless.......
Ah Mel, I'm so sorry for your loss - I still have my Mum but I know I will feel so lonely when she leaves me. I often think of you and your generosity and hope you continue to improve in health and happiness. Take care of yourself. Margie x
Mel, Oh My Gosh. I am so sorry for your loss. I know that feeling of picking up the phone and putting it back.
I'm so glad to hear you are feeling well. You accepted one of my creative ideas once and published it. You made me feel like a million dollars. You should know how important you are. God Bless you.
So sorry to hear about your loss, grief takes a lot of time, but it sounds like you are doing what you need to do, and how wonderful to have found very supportive friends as well. Hang in there!
So sad to hear of your loss! So tragic. Remember that she is ok now and happy and she would just want the same for you. You have accomplished a LOT! Losing 90 lbs is amazing! Allow yourself to feel happy and free because of that, and you can build on that happiness and accomplishment. I lost a lot of weight at one time and it brings a feeling of joy and freedom for sure. Hope you are able to tie things up as that is difficult. Take care and hang in there!
Dearest Mel. So very, very sorry for the loss of you mother. When I lost mine, it took me a very long time to find a way to live my life without her in it. So happy to read that you've achieved some major accomplishments in your life to being a healthier you. Thank you for reaching out and letting us know what has been going on in your life. You have been missed, but remember your well being always comes first. Take care and God bless.
I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your Mother. So wonderful that you had such a close relationship with her. I'm glad that many of your issues are gradually resolving and hope that you will soon feel completely well. I still revisit your blog for techniques and links - you had so many wonderful ones. Thank you so much for all you've shared!
Noreen
Crafty Journal
Dear Mel, I've been following your blog for years and you've contributed so much to the creative community. I don't comment much, but always read what you have to say. I join others in expressing great sympathy for the loss of your mother. I'm glad you are making your way through the dark times and coming back into the light. You have always given so much of yourself to others, and I hope you know you have friends here to encourage and support you.
Sometimes words are not the better way to express our feelings. So...let me send you a big big strong hug...we all love you here in blogland!
Cristina
thehouseoftheblackbirds.blogspot.it
Be Blessed.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss and your struggle to keep afloat, but I'm hapoy to hear you seem to have emerged stronger than before and with a network to support you. I guess it's true what they say that when one door closes another one opens. Welcome back!
I'm so sorry for your precious loss. I too, just lost my best friend, my Mom, just 2 weeks ago. The pain and grief has been something I could never plan for. I hope someday that this pain will subside some. Right now it is all too fresh and still I am in disbelief. My mom too had blood clots due to being bed ridden from rheumatoid arthritis. I will say a special prayer for you and your mom. Glad you are feeling better. Melissa xoxo
Hi Mel, so sorry to hear of your Mum's passing, and I'm sure she would be so proud of how you've come through your challenges and gained strength from these experiences. You're an inspiration, sending big hugs, Cathy x
So sorry to hear of your mother's sudden passing. Such a great loss. Your other loss, 90 lbs, marvelous. Hang in there, sweet girl! You have so much value. Never forget that.
Hi Mel,
I was on your blog last week wondering about you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand anxiety as I have major depression (was told that people with my level of depression can't work, but I make it through)and anxiety. I now go to the gym and boy does it ever make me feel better about life and about me. I hope you find it in your heart to start sharing your talent with us again. I'm a subscriber so I'll be seeing when you post. Lots of big hugs,
Beth Norman
http://sunflowers-dragonflies.ca/blog
Oh, Mel!! I'm so, so sorry to hear about your mom!!! What a shock it was for you, so sudden... sigh.... hugs, dear friend. (you're only a few hundred miles north of me now!... closer than BC) Wish I could hug you for real!!
Glad to hear your life is heading in a better direction, keep it up kiddo!!
BTW, love the Portland pic!!
Take care, sweetie, and know that many people care for you. Looking forward to some of your creative genius!!
Mel, so sorry to hear about your Mom. Just know that we all are thinking,praying for you, and sending lots of hugs.
Keep doing what you're doing...to conquer what you have, is amazing.
I know exactly what you have been going thru as the loss of my mom was the most devastating thing life has brought to me thus far. I will always feel her absence as I am sure you will also. It sounds as if you have grieved very deep for your loss and are now on your way back. Stay well and keep your friends close to you. I wish you good health, happy days, and lots of positive days. Thank you for sharing....
So sorry for your loss. I have been a motherless daughter for 35 years. Time does help the pain ease. She does live on in YOU. Your readers do care and did miss your posts for sure; even if we are quiet and don't share very often; if at all. I am glad to hear that you have been taking care of yourself during this most difficult of time. Take ALL the time YOU need and know that some of us won't leave just because you are not sharing your crafty gifts and talents. warmly. Christine
I am so sorry for your great loss. My heart and prayers go out to you.
Peace be with you Mel, and prayers lifted for you. :D
I knew you would be back - you have way too much talent and such a creative mind that you couldn't stay away for long! You just needed to take the time to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is so good to know that you are feeling better and finding your way. I look forward to seeing whatever you choose to share with us!
So proud of you!! Your Mother would be too. {{{Big hugs}}}
I am so sorry for your loss. I absolutely love your blog and all your beautiful work. Thank you for sharing your creativity with us!!!
So sorry to hear of your loss. I have a favourite verse when making my sympathy cards that I would like to share with you:
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings in Heaven where
our loved ones shine through to let us know they are happy.
Be well
So sorry to hear of you losing your dear Mother! And...sorry that things were not so good for you for awhile. Sounds like you have completely turned your life around! 90 pounds gone in one year - WOW, what a great accomplishment! I know that has to make you feel like a new person!!! I've always loved your creations and have used your papers often! Hope your creativity has returned! Sending HUGS!!!!!
I am sorry for the tremendous loss of your mother. Thank you for writing again.
I'm so sorry for your loss and glad to hear that you take your life back in so different way. I'm pretty sure that many of us have to deal with similar problems and you are a good source of inspiration in many ways. Welcome back!
I don't know the right words to say. I can't imagine your pain. Please know that someone you've never met is reaching out to you in their thoughts. You've been such an inspiration and sharing soul on your blog and obviously in your life, too. I hope the days ahead bring brighter times. Take care of yourself and know how very special you are to all of us.
Dear Mel. Every day I open my blog i see your name linked to your fantastic digital papers and wonder when a post will pop up again. I see how many people pin your pins and wondered why you were so quiet. No I know. Thinking of you and thanks for being so brave to share your heart. Hugs to you.
Hey Sweet Girl, I am terribly sorry to read of the passing of your Mom. I know first hand how grief can be so crippling. Losing your Mother would be like losing the center of your being. I am so so sorry for your loss. I do hope things continue to look up and your life becomes grounded soon. Hugs to you my craftin' friend.
Wow...it's no wonder you've been off for a while! I lost my father the end of February, and am struggling to help my mom who has some physical limitations as well as cognitive ones due to age. I, too, have thought about the day I lose her and those times I will pick up the phone to tell her something......
And thanks for your bravery in sharing your own psychological and physical struggles. As a sufferer of depression and anxiety...as well as weight issues....I can tell you I seriously relate to some of your struggles there, too. I guess just knowing we're not alone...and there are many others out there in the world that are dealing with similar issues can really offer comfort. Thank you for your post...it meant a lot to me!
So sorry for your loss Mel. Take care of yourself and keep on going forward. Love and hugs, Ursula
So very sorry for your loss....
Always,
Always,
Oh Mel - I am so sorry to read about your loss. I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through right now bit must have been so hard to write this blog post. Many Condolences on your loss. You will be on my thoughts and send lobe from England to wherever you are at this time.
I'm happy to hear about your reconnections with old friends - so important that you have a support network at this time from the people that you know and love and who care about you and can relate to ypur loss.
On the other hand I am pleased for you on your weight loss and happy that your health has turned a corner. As someone who has suffered from ill health since 2010 and being forced to leave a job I loved because of I'll health, I can relate to that very well. Also the weight gain that it has caused too - and once walking with a walking aid - the clouds have been grey overhead for sure.
I hope you are able to blog some more - it may be a way of sharing and working through your grief and be therapeutic. When I lost my dad in 2008 I lost all my appetite for being creative but it slowly came back as I began to blog in January 2010 - days before I learned that I had a tumour next to.my left lung which led to thoracic surgery that started this journey I am still on today. But then it's something that led to.me having more time to blog as I waited for surgery - then post surgery I had an emergency op to remove my gallbladder, and then as I tried so hard to recover - i was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - all in 2010.
Had it not been for all of that. I wouldn't be where I am today and am a great believer that things happen for a reason and test your metal. Those'closed' doors open new ones with opportunities to move on.
I wish you well my friend and send hugs across the sea and wish you love as you carry on your journey of grief, and also of self discovery. Continued health improvement and new connections and hope it leads to the renewal and rediscovery of your creative mind and talent back.
Always here to support you however you want that support in your time of grief.
Paula - from across the pond xoxo
So sorry for the loss you've gone through. Losing someone who is so close to you and means the world to you can be gut-wrenching. And I truly believe it's even harder when unexpected. I'm glad you allowed yourself, even prior to this tragic event, the time to get yourself healthier, stronger and better. Although I know it probably doesn't feel like it, now, that probably helped you to deal with the situation a little easier than if you hadn't taken that time for yourself. Keep moving forward... it will get easier with time, a lot of time, but it's just one day at a time. Just one more day. Hugs :)
Hang in there Hun things always get better once you take care of you its easier to move on to the things that make us happy ..I'm really sorry to hear about your mom with time the pain will ease up and when you can take that full breath you will still feel her presence and relax with positive memories..you should be very proud of yourself loseing even a few pounds can be so hard 🤗 please feel the love that we send . we as your fans won't be going anywhere .
Hi darlin', just look how many people have commented here... You are someone who is cared about and valued very, very much. So sorry to read about your mom. She'll always be with you in your heart but getting used to the lack of her actual presence will be a hard journey. Having suffered with chronic pain since September last year I understand how difficult this can be. I'm in less pain now and feel like someone has given me a second chance at living my life. Stay strong, Mel, you're doing great, Jo x
My dear Mel, I am so very sorry for your great loss and deep sorrow. Your candid story of managing and surviving and perseverance Will inspire and guide many of us who admire and respect you. May you live your days in the bright light of gratitude and joy. Welcome back
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs, prayers and love for you, sweetie...
My sincerest condolences for you and your family.
:)
Candy
Mel, I am so sorry for your loss. My mom is 91 1/2 and still going strong. She is my best friend and it is hard to imagine life without her someday. I am so happy you reached out to us, your loyal fans, because we were all worried about you. Life is so precious so don't let it pass you by as you go thru this difficult journey. Thank you so much for sharing this part of it with us. We are here for you!
Oh, dearest Mel, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your precious mom. And I remember well how I would want to go to the phone and call her...and then stopped and said, "she's not here anymore." And then I would cry. The pain of losing someone so close and dear is very deep, and I pray that you will allow the grieving process. We all go through it differently and handle it differently, but it is a process...and it is painful. But I pray that you will cherish your memories together and that God would continue to bring some very loving and dear memories together. I'm so glad that you are feeling better and have even started to make some good progress in your health. Yes, we all struggle in some ways. I know your mom would be proud of this post and smile. She must have loved you dearly, and she raised a wonderful daughter...one gifted in so many ways. May God continue to give you strength and joy for each day, remembering her and the wonderful joy and creativity she loved seeing you have. I look forward to your next post...whenever that is. Take your time! Big hugs and love!!
So many people, so much support. You are not alone. Everyone has their own way to grieve and each of us has gone through it at sometime or another. Know you are loved.
hugs and support from Victoria, BC
I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you can heal your heart more and more each day. I can usually take comfort going to my craft room and just creating something. Feel better soon. Nancy
Dear Mel, Thank you for sharing your story. Great loss always comes at a price and it is never easy to see a clear path forward. I am sure your mother would be so very proud of you for moving forward and fighting so hard to get to a good place. I hope it was cathartic for you to articulate your pain, which you did, amazingly. Wrap every thread of love and goodwill around yourself and take comfort in knowing that you have a caring community here that you can always trust. <3
Mel, so very sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow of losing a beloved mother and will be praying for you for comfort and peace as you travel this new journey of loss and also of healing and health. Wishing you many blessings along the way! (((HUGS))) Judy
Mel, I'm so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss! Thank you for sharing your journey ... we can grieve with you and also celebrate with you as you recover your health and strength. Get rested and refreshed and we look forward to the day you meet with us again to share your art and friendship.
Hi Mel, it's so nice to hear from you--I've really missed you! Loss of a mom is really tough, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through it. It sounds like you are able to "break on through" and move forward. The journey is a discovery, and there are many blessings that reveal themselves over time. The nice part, is that our moms stay with us forever. Hugs, Pam 8-)
Mel so glad to hear from you,so sorry to hear about your Mom.My prayers and blessings are with that you will be able to focus on the good memories of your Mom and know that she is your biggest fan and she will only be a thought away.
Mel, dear one, thank you for sharing your heart here. I appreciate your willingness to disclose your struggles of the past months. All of us can relate in one was or another to loss and struggle. Life is challenging. I'm thankful you are finding your way to the other side of the struggle into a better, happier life. I have appreciated your creativity and generosity and humor over the years as I have explored your blog. Your wonderful Mom left behind a brilliant legacy in you, her daughter. Shine forth, Mel, for many beautiful traits of your Mother live on in you!
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds as though you are moving forward and are doing OK though- Blessings to you- keep up the gym and making those connections. Come back when you are ready : )
My thoughts are with you in your tough times, please know the joy and creativity that I've gotten from your blog is immeasurable and we have so much to thank you for, please continue to look after yourself and heal :^)
I am so sorry to hear of the death of your mother. Losing your mother is so difficult. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Ninty pounds lost is awesome! Oh my goodness, Mel, you certainly have been focusing on positive changes.
It is so good to hear from you and I hope you keep in touch, but certainly understand if you don't continue this blog. I'll just keep following you!
Dear Mel, continue to take the positive steps forward you have been as you inch your way towards healing.
May God bless you!
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time, Mel. May the peace of God rule in your heart. Glad to have heard from you. Thanks for ALL that you have taught us on your blog! Don't forget you continue to make an impact on our lives.
I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you.
Mel...I have MISSED YOU! I am so happy that you are feeling better and lost 90lbs...that was not easy...and also so sorry for the sudden loss of your mother...I can only imagine how hard that has been but please know that we are all still here patiently waiting for you to return to us when you are ready but again have missed you!
Patricia
the PaperTemptress
I am so sorry about your loss and I can completely relate. I lost my mom in March of this year, too, and it has been hard thing to deal with. Glad to see you back to blogging.
You will be in my prayers. I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose someone so suddenly - I will pray for peace for you. When my brother passed away, it took me a very long time to work through the grieving process but, with time, things did get better.
Congratulations on all you've achieved with your weight battle. I battle with that as well.
It was wonderful to see you in my inbox. Please take good care of yourself.
Dear Sweet Mel,
My sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. I lost my father and best friend 3 years ago and the black hole of depression and grief has a strong pull.
Your true creative self will reemerge in due time. Don't rush it just trust it. We can wait and I'm sure when you are ready you will wow us once again.
Much love and holding you in prayer tonight.
Mel, First of all my most heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mom. I can't imagine the grief you are dealing with! Your mom will always be with you.
Secondly, CONGRATS on making your personal goals. You have o recipe much! Weight loss alone is a tough and personal journey and can be so hard. I too have struggled with copious amounts of pain. It is part of my daily life and have yet to find a doctor to help me manage it. I have lost 65 lbs this far and am struggling daily to keep the depression about the pain away. It literally sucks the life out of you. My children are the only thing that keep me going.
My point here is you are never alone. There are so many people who have never met you that care about you. Myself included. I have fairhfully checked your blog and your Flickr in your absence. I knew you would return when you were ready. I too just started blogging again after more than 18 months away.
Our first obligation is to ourselves. Continue on your path to wellness. We will always be here in cyber world.
Lots of love and prayers for you
Mel
What a very brave post to write.
I truly hope that some genuine happiness and peace comes to you. I hope that your mental health improves and improves.
With kindness
<3
Pia
Mel, please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. I lost my husband unexpectedly a few years ago and that has been hard, but I cannot imagine the pain over losing your mother. I am blessed that I still have my mother and she is my best friend.
It is more than OK to take all the time you need to grieve. We understand that you need to take care of yourself first. We will be waiting for you when you are ready to return to this blog. We love your blog, but we love you more!.
Hugs!
Mel you are very much missed, your creations always bring joy to me and an urge to create. As much as I love those posts nothing is more important than you and your well being. I pray for your journey to find your peace, acceptance and to feel happy once again. Nothing can replace your mother, the happiness she gave you is irreplaceable but I'm sure she would want you to live. Not just be alive but LIVE.
I'm horrible with words but just want to convey how much we as your followers care about you. Many hugs to you.
Mel .... your feelings are completely natural & normal. Great love takes a great toll on our hearts when we are faced with a forever changed way of life such as you are facing now. Many of us truly understand, and send you cyber-hugs aplenty. Take comfort in knowing that the love you shared was mutual indeed. At some point ahead, this really will bring a smile to your face ... it will come eventually. Reach out when you need to do so. Create when you feel the possibility of expression through paper & ink art. Hang in there, and if you are one of Faith, hold it closely. (((hugs)))
~Bev Gerard
Mell, you have been faced with more challenges than a person should have to deal with. But, you ARE dealing with everything. You should feel proud of yourself. May you find continued strength, hope and peace.
I am dealing with the pending loss of my mother and, though I'm at peace with it and will have no regrets, I can't imagine what it will actually be like to not have her near. This is one of those times when "Life is tough...and so am I" really applies. I don't think time heals all wounds, but it does help close them a bit. Know you are not alone in your challenges and that it's now time to take care of yourself for as long as you need to.
Ahhhhh, Mel. So wonderful to have you back. So very sorry for the loss of your Mom. We do understand. We missed you so much, but blogging is a choice. Health has to come first. Creativity is something that lifts me out of every day problems and drudgery, but not feeling well makes it so hard to be creative. Some days it takes every ounce of strength just to get out of bed and do the every day chores that are necessary. Thank you for coming back to us. We enjoy everything you share. Take care. Hugs and hugs. More hugs. Cheryl
Hi Mel, I as so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. The loss of a parent is so devastating. As I read your post I thought I was reading a post about my own recent journey. I lost me precious mother last July and most recently my dear father-in-law in March. I too have had the weight issues and depression. It is a day to day struggle, sometimes and hour by hour struggle but I'm glad to say that I have been making progress on all fronts. Journaling my thoughts has been very helpful. I have finally gotten back to my crafting which has done wonders for my soul.
I have always enjoyed your blog and hope that you will come back to it. All things have their time and place, you will know when the time is right. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, I know it wasn't easy. You are in my thoughts and prayers ~ Terri
I have been stopping by your blog from time to time to see if there had been any updates from you, but I never expected to be hit with the news of your Mom's passing. Although we don't know each other I can understand what you are going through as I lost my father last November. If you are still in Ontario and not to far from Toronto I would love to give you a great big hug and personally let you know how much we care about you.
Hey, there! Yeah, just a little behind in my e-mail, but, saw this and had to come by. I am so very sorry for your loss. The loss of anyone we love is so sad, but, for a woman to lose her mother, it is like losing a big part of ourselves. To me, they are our 'blue-print' for how we intend to live our lives as we grow older. When they are gone, it is as though we are fumbling around in the dark, working without a blueprint.
I lost my mom in 1996 and I still miss her every day. I have found myself becoming so much like her, sometimes, I am not sure where I stop and she starts. LOL I get comfort from that, though.
I know this - your mother is not gone. She has merely moved - into your heart. She is always with you!
Blessings,
Su
I was worried that you had been gone, but glad that you have found your way back. I'm very sorry for your loss and wish that you find the strength to struggle through each day knowing that each day you go through slowly becomes easier.
If it heaps I would still have the conversations with your mum as that may heap with the healing, I know that it did for me. I wish you the very best and wish that your hurting is short. Lean on your friends and family and know that your extended family being us your web friends care and are here for you.
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